Ode to Chauvinism

  When will I become a Man?

With strong arms and veins so blue

That stood proud like my father’s used to do.

“My son, you have a long way to go.

There is so much you do not know.

It’s no good filling your life with silly dreams,

Everything is much more simple than it seems.

To be a Man you have to know your place

-the only one that matters in this human race!

What’s all this talk about a lonely soul?

Why do you seek a higher goal?

What’s all this dreaming and a-wishing?

When you could pass the time fishing

Or fill your nights at the pub drinking

Do you really think your brain is for thinking?

Raise your glass, get your fill

Off with the lads, anything you will

Settle down, get a life!

Something on the side-to make up for the wife?

What’s the point of love and song?

The dilemmas of what’s right and wrong?

And what did Poets or Writers ever do

That ever made life easier for you?

You’re either racked with guilt, or awash with emotion

Torn between lovers, pained by devotion

Leave that life and join our ranks

And to the Chauvinists you’ll give thanks

Forget the Heart, forget the Mind

Learn to be something of a different kind

Swear allegiance to Bacchus. Oedipus Rex

A good beer belly, the antidote to sex

So shed all these silly feelings if you can

Do all this and you’ll soon be a Man”