The Today Programme (Radio 4)

 You know how it is, you’ve drunk too much fizz and your not twenty five any more

your head feels like lead and you long for your bed, or at least a soft spot on the floor!

You don’t want to drink, and you don’t want to think, all you need are soft sounds in your ear

clearly nothing of use, something light ( like a mousse!) well “Today” is for you its quite clear!.

You’ve a pigeon in Leek that eats bubble and squeak?, then for heaven sake reach for the blower

Or you could try those bunions you treat with raw onions, or the stone that once blew up your mower

A student in Leeds believes eating raw weeds has helped her to think far more  clearly

A quick interview with Peter or Sue should set her up nicely!

OH REALLY!!

There’s a whole world out there, with real news to spare, and once, that is what we all got.

But now trivia rules, as though we’re all fools, your producers, they ought to be shot!

It may surprise you, I’m not Victor Meldrew, I enjoy life and like to have fun.

But for news of goats swooning I think I would tune in, for preference, to Radio One!

An electric bagpipe, or such similar tripe, or a pig that wears old canvas shoes

seem to tug at the hearts ( or perhaps other parts!) of those who decide what is news

I could murder a drink, but my fridge, on the blink, needs a new rubber seal on the door.

Should not my privation be shared with the Nation?, I think I’ll phone Radio 4!!.